Gotta have faith and believe

In my quest for inner happiness I have learned that about 60% of a persons inner happiness is something they are born with and 40% is mental. Some are born happier than others. I am a lot happier now than I was when I was younger. I have been diagnosed and I have medical help. I am still working on the other 40% however. I am happy most of the time but the other day I woke up blah for no reason. I think it was becasue I am scared of the future. There I go again afraid of the unknown. I have been wanting a house forever, for at least the past 5 years. I am sooo close but not close enough. With Obama's $8000.00 first time home buyers credit, it is hard to pass up, but I want to live in the shawnee mission school district so that my girls can go to the better schools. Those houses are out of my range. I currently stay in the (what I call the ghetto) because I came from the burbs. I made that move in order to get myself out of the financial black hole that I was in. I have reached that goal and I am able to pay all of my bills on time and have extra money left over. The townhouse I want is 131,950 but with that loan amount my mortgae would be around $1000.00 which does not include the HOA fees of $90.00. I know the price can be haggled but I need a house somewhere in the range of 100,000 - 120,000. In order for me to be able to live and maintain my financial momentum I should not have a payment more than $800.00. The girls currently stay with my parents for the most part so they can go to the school that I want them to go to but how long will that last? I have soooo much on my mind and it is frustrating, scary, makes me sad, angry, scared, etc. I have finished my masters but now my loan payment is going from 117.00 a month to about 260.00 a month. I lost the child support payments...He claims that they will start up again, but as history has shown, he is liar and a minipulator, so I have to put forth energy to get that taken care of. I am the one who does the Child Support Enforcements job. I called to tell them where he worked last time. I am the one who called to tell them that he moved. I am the one who did all of the leg work and here I am again in the same boat. My car is not reliable, I am afraid that any minute it will be in the tanker. I have an extended warranty that is about to expire and I have had soooo much work done on it just in the past 2 and a half years that I have had the car, I am afraid that when the warranty wears out in about 1 year or so, something will happen. I have written the owners of the dealership and currently in the process of trying to work something out with them. I would like a job earning at LEAST $60,000, but what do I do and how do I get it? What will I enjoy that is lucrative? I have been working on that too. I am sooooo bored at my job that it is painfull but I need to be and I am thankful for it because who knows where I would be without it. I will need to renew my tags in 2 months, I am suppose to be going to TN for Thanksgiving and I have already been approved for the vacation. Christmas is coming up, how do I get this townhouse....Sigh. I am sad right now because I want that townhouse and I want to be able to afford it and not over extend myself and put myself right back in the same situation I was in two years ago. I know I am repeating myself as I complained about all of this in my initial blog but obviously that is what is consuming my mind. I have been introduced to the secret at least 2 years ago and I believe it works. I have testimonials that it works, but it has worked only on small sums of money. It has not worked for me regarding large items like the townhouse or any house in the neighborhood and school district that I want. Currently that is my focus. I am going to put faith in the secret and attract that townhouse to me at a price that I can comfortable afford, keep my 3 year old in daycare and be able to afford the utility bills, the school fees, the cost of renewing my tags, be able to save, continue to live the way that I am living now. I am asking, believing and receiving. I have set the date to September 4, 2009. I Darla K. Washington will have my house with 3 bedrooms, at least 1 and 1 half baths, garage, finished basement, in a neighborhood that I want in the school district that I want. That house/home is mine. I Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I am feeling better now that I have typed all of this. I am on a quest to find my inner happiness. I have just finished reading what I have typed and it is soooo pathetic...complain, complain, complain and no thanks, gratitude, appreciation for what I have. I could be worse than I am right now. I need to be positive, focus on the good, keep happy thoughts, whenever I want to whine, complain or have negative thoughts, I need to take control and turn them into compliments, happy, positive thoughts, feelings and believe that I can and will. Life is what you make of it...everything will work out, you just gotta let it. The Secret is the power of attraction. I will attract positive things and positive people. I will work on the things that I have learned regarding how to be happy, imporve self-esteem and love myself. A person can not grow without self love. A person can not be happy without self love. A person can not succeed without self love. Darla K. Washington I love you!!